Gary's Story
What are some struggles you've faced with your mental health?
I’ve suffered with my mental health since a young age - depression, anxiety and suicide attempts have come in waves. Usually linked to unresolved or recurring trauma.
Relationship break-ups are something that have hit me hard over the years. Psychology will put that down to growing up in a broken home and abandonment, but it was something I had to learn to handle.
I’ve been homeless for two periods in my life, the first for over a year back in my 20s and again for four months a couple of years back.
There’s nothing like being stripped of all your belongings and worth to leave you feeling lost and helpless.
On both occasions, it was through no fault of my own, but people I was living with and renting from just pulling the rug from under me.
Suicide is a dance I’ve had several times over the years, even at a young age I felt life was getting too much and I needed a way out.
The way you have to battle your own mind just to survive when struggles become too much is something you can only truly understand once you’ve been there.
For me it’s always been a last resort and when I’ve face multiple problems. The drowning feeling of not being able to come up for air before the next problem hits you.
My last suicide attempt was following a combination of a break up, friendship losses, job loss, financial loss and the threat of eviction. What I thought was a support network revealed itself as people turning against me and I became the subject of a social media hate campaign.
Luckily for me, an elderly couple interrupted my suicide attempt and I took that as a sign from the universe that I had to carry on.
What do you do to keep you mental health in-check?
The outdoors is my medicine. It sounds cheesy and it’s bounced around a lot now, but if I’m feeling the low mood creeping in, it’s always when I haven’t been out hiking or camping for a few weeks.
I learnt long ago that it’s a vital part of my life. Just being out in nature heals me.
Weirdly, this was the one thing I lost enjoyment for when I hit rock bottom. The outdoors just stopped working for me.
That’s when I went back to therapy.
I also have a list of telltale signs that alert me if my mental health takes a dip. These are things I’ve noticed over the years, such as appetite, weight, cleanliness, moods which can go up and down on a scale.
When I notice a few of these occurring together, I have a check in with myself to explore what’s causing the problems.
What makes you feel most fulfilled?
Helping others! I’ve got to a position with my career, where I’m qualified to give therapy and counselling to others.
And being a part of their journey, walking beside them while they heal - that’s what it’s all about for me.
On an adventure side of things, I need that completion box ticking. Be it a long distance hike, bagging summit groups or even just reaching the top of a new mountain. Something that gives me a sense of achievement, that I’ve pushed myself to my limits to do.
I’m also trying to set a different pace recently and slow my adventures down in a bid to enjoy the experience more, rather than racing across the finish line.
What is something you're looking forward to doing?
Lots of travelling with my partner next year! Since we met, we’ve explored so many countries and seen amazing sights. We both love visiting ancient ruins and letting our imaginations take us back to how life was when they were inhabited.
They say ‘travel broadens the mind’ but you also need to open yourself up to experiences whilst visiting countries. I don’t see the point of going to a different country to just sit by the pool or drink a beer at the bar - you can do that at home.
What advice would you give to someone struggling with their mental health?
Talk.
Reach out.
Don’t suffer in silence.
Most people keep their problems within, worrying that nobody wants to listen, won’t understand or that they’ll be a burden. But when they do reach out, they find out that none of these things are true.
Speak to friends and family and let them know what’s going on. Speak to your doctor and speak to a therapist/counsellor. If you can’t access one, call a helpline until you have something in place. There are support groups in certain areas too.
There is so much support out there to help people now. But it needs you to take that first step.
Things will get better.
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We owe Gary a HUGE thank you for taking the time to write this. The openness he's shown here is something we can all learn from.
Keep up with his adventures on instagram @sockpan.
